Now I know blonde highlights are sexy (to someone I guess, not me for sure) and you probably think having them makes you look youthful at 45+. I also know that having frosted tips at age past 25+ is a "cool" thing, but please, stop.
Look the truth is that well, unless you were born with blonde hair and(or) you are a 14 year old girl, blonde tips and highlights are not cool...they were for like maybe 2 minutes in 1998 but back then you were just getting into parachute pants.So let's be mature about this.
I know you may think it makes you look like an idividual in a sea of cookie cutter acts, but if you have to try to look individualistic than you just aren't.Let's go back to the hairstylist and turn back into who you really are.
Please. Do it for the impressionable kids.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
EVERYONE IS A WINNER WHEN IT COMES TO FILMFARE AWARDS
Why do the Filmfare awards still exist? Oscars they aren’t. As stuffy as the academy is, it still manages to get things right half the time while still having some dry humor here and there…the Filmfare awards are the exact opposite. They manage to bestow accolades upon, pretty much, everything un-deserving, all the while showing no signs humor, wit or imagination.
I’ve always likened them to the Grammy’s…all the bombast and no substance. The most money making movies get the awards, the deserving ones get nothing because they had no item numbers, no explosions, and no big backing of ivory hands.
…and god lord can the celebrities who attend these look any more miserable! If your bread and butter is pretending to be someone else then pretend to be a person who is actually happy to be there. One look at their stoic, docile faces and it makes you want to give yourself an award for putting up with this. I can only guess that their sourpuss mugs are because of 2 things:
1) The incredibly irritating hosts. Filmfare always manages to find the most flamboyant, gaudy, shatter mouth of a douchebag as a host. Be it one of those actors who never made it but leeched around long enough to be a memorable face (be it a good memory or bad is entirely debatable) or some comedian who does everything but make you laugh.
2) Set Designs. I’ve yet to see one Indian award show where the set design didn’t look like it was designed by a gay, junior high school drama teacher. Do they use these sets for elementary school plays after this is done? Oscars, as boring as they can be, at least treat their guests like royalty. FilmFare awards, as far as I can remember, have the Bollywood elite sitting on metal folding chairs in what seems like an open field. Seriously? Is it an award show or a graduation?
Make me feel like these awards matter by at least putting in an effort in the presentation. A shiny turn is still a turd, but at least it’s shiny. If I am going to look at a piece of turd at least it can glimmer.
Add in horrible editing, horrible cameras (Home movie camcorders can achieve better quality than the cameras use to shoot these awards), incredibly awkward speeches (for the love of Zeus, speak Hindi if your English sucks), incredibly awkward exits (no one has bean of a clue as to where to exit from), and 400+ dance numbers by the actors themselves (yes, your lip-synching skills are really mystifying me) and these award shows really start to put a boil on my ass.
Only thing to look forward to is the expected Johnny Lever stand up, which is usually a hit rather than a miss.
I’ve always likened them to the Grammy’s…all the bombast and no substance. The most money making movies get the awards, the deserving ones get nothing because they had no item numbers, no explosions, and no big backing of ivory hands.
…and god lord can the celebrities who attend these look any more miserable! If your bread and butter is pretending to be someone else then pretend to be a person who is actually happy to be there. One look at their stoic, docile faces and it makes you want to give yourself an award for putting up with this. I can only guess that their sourpuss mugs are because of 2 things:
1) The incredibly irritating hosts. Filmfare always manages to find the most flamboyant, gaudy, shatter mouth of a douchebag as a host. Be it one of those actors who never made it but leeched around long enough to be a memorable face (be it a good memory or bad is entirely debatable) or some comedian who does everything but make you laugh.
2) Set Designs. I’ve yet to see one Indian award show where the set design didn’t look like it was designed by a gay, junior high school drama teacher. Do they use these sets for elementary school plays after this is done? Oscars, as boring as they can be, at least treat their guests like royalty. FilmFare awards, as far as I can remember, have the Bollywood elite sitting on metal folding chairs in what seems like an open field. Seriously? Is it an award show or a graduation?
Make me feel like these awards matter by at least putting in an effort in the presentation. A shiny turn is still a turd, but at least it’s shiny. If I am going to look at a piece of turd at least it can glimmer.
Add in horrible editing, horrible cameras (Home movie camcorders can achieve better quality than the cameras use to shoot these awards), incredibly awkward speeches (for the love of Zeus, speak Hindi if your English sucks), incredibly awkward exits (no one has bean of a clue as to where to exit from), and 400+ dance numbers by the actors themselves (yes, your lip-synching skills are really mystifying me) and these award shows really start to put a boil on my ass.
Only thing to look forward to is the expected Johnny Lever stand up, which is usually a hit rather than a miss.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
LATE MOVIE REVIEW: Laaga Chunari Mein Daag
Laaga Chunari Mein Daag is an interesting movie. How so? Well it is a movie about prostitution and usually movies about prostitution or prostitutes (sans Pretty woman) shows the harrowing side of humanity, but not this movie, it actually promotes prostitution.
Now whether that was the filmmaker’s aim or not I don’t know, but by the end of this movie I wanted to ditch my full time job and go ho it up in upper echelons of society.
Let’s take a look further:
Plot: Rani Mukherjee is the eldest, beautiful, daughter of Shivshankar Sahay (Anupam Kher) a lazy, eunuch, dipshit of a father whose pride keeps him from getting a job or doing anything other than bitching. So to make ends meet Rani’s mother (the wonder full cry-at-a-drop of a hat Jaya Bachan) has to sew clothes night and day. Money gets tighter, so they rent their gorgeous house to a film crew, but that doesn’t work out. In that time Rani gets the idea to go to Mumbai to get a job, after getting false hopes from one of the production assistants.
She gets to Mumbai, can’t find work, and has no experience and one thing leads to another and she ends up becoming a high-end escort.
Ok, sounds good so far, but the problem is that…well, there is no problem. There is no real conflict in this movie. Rani gets tricked into sleeping with a guy who promises her a job if she did and then ends up betraying her. Horrified and disgusted, she learns to channel her anger into an opportunity to use her god given beauty into a cash machine. Now that would be a life changing decision for anyone but this movie shows none of the gravity of the situation.
Rani’s transformation from a sweet girl into a sex vixen, helped along by a friend she makes quickly in Mumbai (who has extensive knowledge and contacts about this world so we’re left to guess she is also an escort), is shown in an edgy song with a dramatic video to go along with it.
Yes folks, a song. In Indian movies any life changing decision can be portrayed in a 5 min song with filmed metaphors to go along with it…
...and after that everything is roses. She makes new contacts, gets a ridiculously sexy apartment, and dresses sexy. Sends ample amount of money home. Meanwhile her little sister (Nandita Das) studies and gets a kickass job in Mumbai in an advertising agency and falls in love within 5 minutes of her first day with the hotshot photographer.
Rani herself finds a great looking and decent man who falls in love with her and accepts her knowing her past…WTF???
Only real problem Rani has is that she is being blackmailed by her uncle and cousin who find out her secret and even that gets resolved in the most effortless of ways.
Did I miss something here?
There are so many things that are off kilter here that this movie ends up being laughable. I wanted to join Rani in her monetary sexcapades and make a few coins myself.
So basically in a nutshell. Rani gets money, her sister gets a great job, great boyfriend from a rich family who proposes to her. Family back home has plenty of money and Rani herself gets a loving, accepting rich man.
Now why wouldn’t you want to be a high-end hooker if it meant such easily gained glory! Seriously, at no point do you ever feel Rani’s suffering. Yes there are the obligatory crying scenes and scenes of revelations among characters but boo-hoo. My mom would accept me sleeping around with rich old bags if it meant serious, quick ka-ching.
It also ends in the most limp-dick way too. Rani and her sister get married together. Her uncle and cousin are told to shove off and end credit.
Chandani bar showed truly what it was like to be a prostitute in conservative India; utterly miserable. This movie shows that if you have a good heart and perseverance you can outlast anything…good message, utterly laughable execution. This movie’s problem was that it tried to depict a serious issue all while coddling the mainstream movie viewer…you have to do one or the other in Bollywood. Chandani Bar wasn’t a commercial hit because it was so brutal to watch. It took a serious eye to prostitution in India and gave an unforgivable view back…
…this movie had me googling up career opportunities as an escort.
Acting: Decent enough. There are all seasoned actors here and few up and coming promising ones.
Music: Completely forgettable.
Cinematography: Beautiful locales, but even those are glamorized to escape reality. All of the poverty is taken off the streets to show a happy, healthy Indian city with bouncy, excited kids playing in the street.
Final Verdict
It tried but you never ever feel like it gets anywhere in trying to move you with the heroine’s struggles. It made me want to join her and sex up the streets together.
I give the movie 2 mogambos out of 5
GO SEE
Chandani Bar Instead
Now whether that was the filmmaker’s aim or not I don’t know, but by the end of this movie I wanted to ditch my full time job and go ho it up in upper echelons of society.
Let’s take a look further:
Plot: Rani Mukherjee is the eldest, beautiful, daughter of Shivshankar Sahay (Anupam Kher) a lazy, eunuch, dipshit of a father whose pride keeps him from getting a job or doing anything other than bitching. So to make ends meet Rani’s mother (the wonder full cry-at-a-drop of a hat Jaya Bachan) has to sew clothes night and day. Money gets tighter, so they rent their gorgeous house to a film crew, but that doesn’t work out. In that time Rani gets the idea to go to Mumbai to get a job, after getting false hopes from one of the production assistants.
She gets to Mumbai, can’t find work, and has no experience and one thing leads to another and she ends up becoming a high-end escort.
Ok, sounds good so far, but the problem is that…well, there is no problem. There is no real conflict in this movie. Rani gets tricked into sleeping with a guy who promises her a job if she did and then ends up betraying her. Horrified and disgusted, she learns to channel her anger into an opportunity to use her god given beauty into a cash machine. Now that would be a life changing decision for anyone but this movie shows none of the gravity of the situation.
Rani’s transformation from a sweet girl into a sex vixen, helped along by a friend she makes quickly in Mumbai (who has extensive knowledge and contacts about this world so we’re left to guess she is also an escort), is shown in an edgy song with a dramatic video to go along with it.
Yes folks, a song. In Indian movies any life changing decision can be portrayed in a 5 min song with filmed metaphors to go along with it…
...and after that everything is roses. She makes new contacts, gets a ridiculously sexy apartment, and dresses sexy. Sends ample amount of money home. Meanwhile her little sister (Nandita Das) studies and gets a kickass job in Mumbai in an advertising agency and falls in love within 5 minutes of her first day with the hotshot photographer.
Rani herself finds a great looking and decent man who falls in love with her and accepts her knowing her past…WTF???
Only real problem Rani has is that she is being blackmailed by her uncle and cousin who find out her secret and even that gets resolved in the most effortless of ways.
Did I miss something here?
There are so many things that are off kilter here that this movie ends up being laughable. I wanted to join Rani in her monetary sexcapades and make a few coins myself.
So basically in a nutshell. Rani gets money, her sister gets a great job, great boyfriend from a rich family who proposes to her. Family back home has plenty of money and Rani herself gets a loving, accepting rich man.
Now why wouldn’t you want to be a high-end hooker if it meant such easily gained glory! Seriously, at no point do you ever feel Rani’s suffering. Yes there are the obligatory crying scenes and scenes of revelations among characters but boo-hoo. My mom would accept me sleeping around with rich old bags if it meant serious, quick ka-ching.
It also ends in the most limp-dick way too. Rani and her sister get married together. Her uncle and cousin are told to shove off and end credit.
Chandani bar showed truly what it was like to be a prostitute in conservative India; utterly miserable. This movie shows that if you have a good heart and perseverance you can outlast anything…good message, utterly laughable execution. This movie’s problem was that it tried to depict a serious issue all while coddling the mainstream movie viewer…you have to do one or the other in Bollywood. Chandani Bar wasn’t a commercial hit because it was so brutal to watch. It took a serious eye to prostitution in India and gave an unforgivable view back…
…this movie had me googling up career opportunities as an escort.
Acting: Decent enough. There are all seasoned actors here and few up and coming promising ones.
Music: Completely forgettable.
Cinematography: Beautiful locales, but even those are glamorized to escape reality. All of the poverty is taken off the streets to show a happy, healthy Indian city with bouncy, excited kids playing in the street.
Final Verdict
It tried but you never ever feel like it gets anywhere in trying to move you with the heroine’s struggles. It made me want to join her and sex up the streets together.
I give the movie 2 mogambos out of 5
GO SEE
Chandani Bar Instead
MOVIE REVIEW: RACE
The movie Race has been a hit in India and all over the world. I can see why. It has a pricey budget, explosions, quasi-English songs, hot cars, hot women, and hot guys. It oozes masala movie material. Is the movie good?
Let’s find out. First I am going to break down the movie by categories, which I can remember at the top of my head.
Plot: Good enough. There are a lot of plot twists in this movie and I mean LOTS. They occur so frequent and so on methodically that you can time them, just like I can time every time Shah Rukh Kahn will do something annoying in his movie. This causes a negative impact for the movie. Why? Well you know there is a plot twist due soon so you can take nothing on face value and you just stop being surprised, simply because you expected this eventually.
Other than that, the story moves along nicely. There’s no thinking involved, no deep pondering. Of course with a plot as convoluted as this movie’s there’s bound to be nagging plot holes but I can’t discuss them without giving anything away. However, there are still few key points which are surprisingly...well surprising.
Acting: This is one part o the movie where I have no real complaints. All the actors in this movie I actually like. Saif Ali Khan is the man and he is looking extremely buff and stoic in this movie. I swear this gets younger as he ages. I was worried since Saif is known for primarily doing comedic roles but he kicked copious amounts of ass as a serious guy. Akshay Khanna was also good and so was Bipasha Basu.
Anil Kapoor was an interesting character in this movie. I couldn’t make up my mind whether I disliked his annoying fruit eating ways or whether he was funny. He teetered on the edge of cool and douchebag.
Music: Annoying. Really, incredibly, annoying. This movie is one of the few where it really needs no songs at all but they are simply there for the sake of music sales. I mean the songs are so misplaced that they completely break the flow of movie at times.
The music itself is ear grating…which means it must be the hottest selling record in India right now. The music is a mix of Hindi and lame English rap made famous by this South Indian artist (he also produced the soundtrack). When will Indians stop rapping? We have great classical music to our name, do we really need to add hip-hop to our repertoire! I call for a boycott of all Indian songs with embarrassing R&B styled verses.
Cinematography: This film is hot in South Africa and the locales are beautiful. The city and beach shots are also beautiful.
Final Verdict:
Overall the movie is decent. Nothing you’ll be left thinking about. There is no socio-political issues discussed, no moral message. It does best what it was made to do; mindlessly entertain. Go see it and have a good time and kill a few hours. It was long, ass numbingly long but you don’t feel the time drag…because it’s a race…get it, race…haha…ah go to hell.
I give the movie 3 out of 5 Mogambos.
Let’s find out. First I am going to break down the movie by categories, which I can remember at the top of my head.
Plot: Good enough. There are a lot of plot twists in this movie and I mean LOTS. They occur so frequent and so on methodically that you can time them, just like I can time every time Shah Rukh Kahn will do something annoying in his movie. This causes a negative impact for the movie. Why? Well you know there is a plot twist due soon so you can take nothing on face value and you just stop being surprised, simply because you expected this eventually.
Other than that, the story moves along nicely. There’s no thinking involved, no deep pondering. Of course with a plot as convoluted as this movie’s there’s bound to be nagging plot holes but I can’t discuss them without giving anything away. However, there are still few key points which are surprisingly...well surprising.
Acting: This is one part o the movie where I have no real complaints. All the actors in this movie I actually like. Saif Ali Khan is the man and he is looking extremely buff and stoic in this movie. I swear this gets younger as he ages. I was worried since Saif is known for primarily doing comedic roles but he kicked copious amounts of ass as a serious guy. Akshay Khanna was also good and so was Bipasha Basu.
Anil Kapoor was an interesting character in this movie. I couldn’t make up my mind whether I disliked his annoying fruit eating ways or whether he was funny. He teetered on the edge of cool and douchebag.
Music: Annoying. Really, incredibly, annoying. This movie is one of the few where it really needs no songs at all but they are simply there for the sake of music sales. I mean the songs are so misplaced that they completely break the flow of movie at times.
The music itself is ear grating…which means it must be the hottest selling record in India right now. The music is a mix of Hindi and lame English rap made famous by this South Indian artist (he also produced the soundtrack). When will Indians stop rapping? We have great classical music to our name, do we really need to add hip-hop to our repertoire! I call for a boycott of all Indian songs with embarrassing R&B styled verses.
Cinematography: This film is hot in South Africa and the locales are beautiful. The city and beach shots are also beautiful.
Final Verdict:
Overall the movie is decent. Nothing you’ll be left thinking about. There is no socio-political issues discussed, no moral message. It does best what it was made to do; mindlessly entertain. Go see it and have a good time and kill a few hours. It was long, ass numbingly long but you don’t feel the time drag…because it’s a race…get it, race…haha…ah go to hell.
I give the movie 3 out of 5 Mogambos.
WE ARE A COOL MINORITY
I am going to take a slight detour from usual mockery of Bollywood today to focus on American television and Indians.
Out of all the minorities on American television, primetime and not, Indians are always presented as the most stereotypical of all people. Even black and Latino people, while certainly shown in a negative light, have shows which shows them as smart, fun and educated people…us, no we, we are always some laughing stock, no matter how well off a character we play.
Apu from The Simpsons is probably the most famous, intangible, Indian on primetime today, but it has taken years and a few episodes dedicated to him to be seen as one of the many full fledged characters on the show, instead of a funny sounding Indian deli store clerk. The rest haven’t fared so well.
Let’s take a look at a few examples:
Kunal Nayyar: He plays Rajnesh Koothrappali on the sitcom The Big Bang Theory. What does he play? A quiet, nervous, young Indian brainiac. Completely awkward near women, into video games, dresses like a 70s preppy pimp, and has an accent. Every possible thing to squeeze that last ounce of cool out of us.
Shaun Majumder: He plays Freddy on the sitcom Unhitched. Now he is a talented comedian and an actor but again, what does he play? A clueless, naive, panty upping (as oppose to panty dropping) Indian doctor. Are we really that un cool in American society’s eyes?
I don’t think so…ok, yes, maybe but it’s partially our fault too.
…Now granted the Indian accent has the charm and sensual allure of a rectal exam and that often, many Indian do wear these stereotypes like a custom fitted suit but there are those of us who are not these walking, awkward, zombies. I can laugh at our stereotypes as hard as anyone but we deserve at least one show or character that is just normal. Who isn’t in a show just because he is Indian and it’s all “haha, look at him, he talks funny”
For this reason I commend Kal Penn. I am not a big Kal Penn fan and god knows how women find him attractive. But, if he has done one thing that is right, it’s that he has made it as an actor on his acting. Not on his “Indianness”. Yes, he has done those stereotypical roles (Vanwilder anyone?) but he was in Superman as an actor, not as a laughing stock, he is in House MD because he acts good (and honestly every hospital in east coast has at least one Indian doctor if not 20-37).
All I want is an Indian show about a realistic Indian family in USA. It can be hilarious because we as a people are hilarious by being so averse to being hilarious. It can show our meddling uncles and aunties, the paranoid parents, the young, fat, videogames addicted nieces and nephews, the older cousins who think they’re suddenly black, and the friends who complain about everything America but shudder at the thought of living in India again. Then, and only than the accents will be warranted.
Hell there maybe a show about a modernized, yet traditional Indian family where there are no accents, no lame brained or socially awkward geniuses. Just normal hardworking people…the family feuds, the undying bonds between a family, the generation gap, the identity struggles...all Indian…
...Or am I being too progressive here?
Out of all the minorities on American television, primetime and not, Indians are always presented as the most stereotypical of all people. Even black and Latino people, while certainly shown in a negative light, have shows which shows them as smart, fun and educated people…us, no we, we are always some laughing stock, no matter how well off a character we play.
Apu from The Simpsons is probably the most famous, intangible, Indian on primetime today, but it has taken years and a few episodes dedicated to him to be seen as one of the many full fledged characters on the show, instead of a funny sounding Indian deli store clerk. The rest haven’t fared so well.
Let’s take a look at a few examples:
Kunal Nayyar: He plays Rajnesh Koothrappali on the sitcom The Big Bang Theory. What does he play? A quiet, nervous, young Indian brainiac. Completely awkward near women, into video games, dresses like a 70s preppy pimp, and has an accent. Every possible thing to squeeze that last ounce of cool out of us.
Shaun Majumder: He plays Freddy on the sitcom Unhitched. Now he is a talented comedian and an actor but again, what does he play? A clueless, naive, panty upping (as oppose to panty dropping) Indian doctor. Are we really that un cool in American society’s eyes?
I don’t think so…ok, yes, maybe but it’s partially our fault too.
…Now granted the Indian accent has the charm and sensual allure of a rectal exam and that often, many Indian do wear these stereotypes like a custom fitted suit but there are those of us who are not these walking, awkward, zombies. I can laugh at our stereotypes as hard as anyone but we deserve at least one show or character that is just normal. Who isn’t in a show just because he is Indian and it’s all “haha, look at him, he talks funny”
For this reason I commend Kal Penn. I am not a big Kal Penn fan and god knows how women find him attractive. But, if he has done one thing that is right, it’s that he has made it as an actor on his acting. Not on his “Indianness”. Yes, he has done those stereotypical roles (Vanwilder anyone?) but he was in Superman as an actor, not as a laughing stock, he is in House MD because he acts good (and honestly every hospital in east coast has at least one Indian doctor if not 20-37).
All I want is an Indian show about a realistic Indian family in USA. It can be hilarious because we as a people are hilarious by being so averse to being hilarious. It can show our meddling uncles and aunties, the paranoid parents, the young, fat, videogames addicted nieces and nephews, the older cousins who think they’re suddenly black, and the friends who complain about everything America but shudder at the thought of living in India again. Then, and only than the accents will be warranted.
Hell there maybe a show about a modernized, yet traditional Indian family where there are no accents, no lame brained or socially awkward geniuses. Just normal hardworking people…the family feuds, the undying bonds between a family, the generation gap, the identity struggles...all Indian…
...Or am I being too progressive here?
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
HOW A MAINSTREAM INDIAN MOVIE MAKER THINKS
This is a special look at cognitive processes of mainstream Bollywood filmmakers. The neuronal activity that lurks inside their brown domes, relating to making financial juggernauts at the box office. I will try to (unscientifically of course) delve into the mind of typical masala movie maverick. Come with me as I explore this wonderful, weird, bizarre world of Indian movie making.
I present to you
HOW A MAINSTREAM INDIAN MOVIE MAKER THINKS:
The following will be presented in categories. The Indian moviemaker will be referred as IMD (Indian movie director)
Story: The vision, the creativity, the engrossing ideas that are the foundation of a good movie.
IMD: Need to rent Hollywood movies, get together with my writers and see which knockoff can work with explosions and songs. 1 item number is a must.
Plot: The heart of movie. The meat and potatoes.
IMD: Love…that is the timeless trade of Bollywood. A love story about destined lovers against all odds is the key to standing out. Explosions and item numbers can easily be placed within any love story…because let’s face it; what is love other than explosions and jovial songs...nothing I tell you, nothing.
Acting: The quintessential variable to make the plot work. To make the story shine.
IMD: For every three extra explosions per 10 minutes I can reduce acting caliber of my stars by 50%. 70% if I throw in a song every 7 minutes.
Music: The timeless tool to accentuate and heighten sense of raw human emotion. To paint the serene moods of calm or the violent throngs of destruction through sound. Always the faithful servant.
IMD: The soundtrack is the movie. I am really filming a 3-hour music video. Need to inject more cool English slang to the lyrics of this mutha. “Rocking”, “mind blowing” “baby”, “wiggity wiggity wow” are all lighting up the streets in America today so let’s throw that in there too.
Special effects: The vehicle to bring the most creative visions of film luminaries to life. The soaring beauty of wirework in crouching tiger hidden dragon. The explosive representation of torrent of bullets in The Matrix trilogy…all examples of special effects defining the movies of their respective genres.
IMD: Need explosions, lots of them. Explosions bring in people and ohhhh wirework, that’s neat. I can use wirework to kick bad guys further, make them fall 30-40 feet after a flick of the hero’s finger. When my hero jumps off a building he’ll glide to a nearby building and none of it has to make sense what so ever. No one really cares about physics and such…it’s a movie with 16 songs, 4 of which are item numbers.
Cinematography: Moving poetry. Catching the colors of life so delicately, sometimes so powerful it is, in essence, part of the story itself.
IMD: We’re shooting every song in Switzerland; we get discounts from the government. The rest we’ll shoot in Canada because Canada is just like America but the diet version.
Editing: Just like a great storyteller paces his/her words, editing, through careful discipline, sets a defining path for the story to progress.
IMD: My editor and me have been watching MTV for months now. Everything will be fast, then suddenly super slow, then fast, then super slow, then fast. I’ll shake the camera and add motion blur along with kickass color filters for that cool, edgy feel….for the whole movie.
Action: Just like a good plot is written with care thought, so is a good action sequence written with precision and excitement in mind.
IMD: Explosions? Check. Cars flying off 40-50 feet into the air at the slightest touch? Check. Two guys pointing guns at each other’s face ala “face off” style? Check. Slow-mo cool entrance scenes after impossibly daring and impossibly impossible stunt? Check and checkitty check check.
Make up and Costume: Clothes make the man and clothes make the character. To fully bring the envisioned character to life make up and costume go a long way in achieving that sense of realism.
IMD: Cool and edgy are the words. Need tight edgy t-shirts, stylish, acid washed, torn jeans, guys need edgy beard and possibly frosted tips. Let’s throw some animal prints in the mix. For girls, only mini skirts and straight hair. That research we did on the New Jersey youth fashion ways has been very helpful for us achieving the absolutely coolest look possible.
Now let’s make a hit.
I present to you
HOW A MAINSTREAM INDIAN MOVIE MAKER THINKS:
The following will be presented in categories. The Indian moviemaker will be referred as IMD (Indian movie director)
Story: The vision, the creativity, the engrossing ideas that are the foundation of a good movie.
IMD: Need to rent Hollywood movies, get together with my writers and see which knockoff can work with explosions and songs. 1 item number is a must.
Plot: The heart of movie. The meat and potatoes.
IMD: Love…that is the timeless trade of Bollywood. A love story about destined lovers against all odds is the key to standing out. Explosions and item numbers can easily be placed within any love story…because let’s face it; what is love other than explosions and jovial songs...nothing I tell you, nothing.
Acting: The quintessential variable to make the plot work. To make the story shine.
IMD: For every three extra explosions per 10 minutes I can reduce acting caliber of my stars by 50%. 70% if I throw in a song every 7 minutes.
Music: The timeless tool to accentuate and heighten sense of raw human emotion. To paint the serene moods of calm or the violent throngs of destruction through sound. Always the faithful servant.
IMD: The soundtrack is the movie. I am really filming a 3-hour music video. Need to inject more cool English slang to the lyrics of this mutha. “Rocking”, “mind blowing” “baby”, “wiggity wiggity wow” are all lighting up the streets in America today so let’s throw that in there too.
Special effects: The vehicle to bring the most creative visions of film luminaries to life. The soaring beauty of wirework in crouching tiger hidden dragon. The explosive representation of torrent of bullets in The Matrix trilogy…all examples of special effects defining the movies of their respective genres.
IMD: Need explosions, lots of them. Explosions bring in people and ohhhh wirework, that’s neat. I can use wirework to kick bad guys further, make them fall 30-40 feet after a flick of the hero’s finger. When my hero jumps off a building he’ll glide to a nearby building and none of it has to make sense what so ever. No one really cares about physics and such…it’s a movie with 16 songs, 4 of which are item numbers.
Cinematography: Moving poetry. Catching the colors of life so delicately, sometimes so powerful it is, in essence, part of the story itself.
IMD: We’re shooting every song in Switzerland; we get discounts from the government. The rest we’ll shoot in Canada because Canada is just like America but the diet version.
Editing: Just like a great storyteller paces his/her words, editing, through careful discipline, sets a defining path for the story to progress.
IMD: My editor and me have been watching MTV for months now. Everything will be fast, then suddenly super slow, then fast, then super slow, then fast. I’ll shake the camera and add motion blur along with kickass color filters for that cool, edgy feel….for the whole movie.
Action: Just like a good plot is written with care thought, so is a good action sequence written with precision and excitement in mind.
IMD: Explosions? Check. Cars flying off 40-50 feet into the air at the slightest touch? Check. Two guys pointing guns at each other’s face ala “face off” style? Check. Slow-mo cool entrance scenes after impossibly daring and impossibly impossible stunt? Check and checkitty check check.
Make up and Costume: Clothes make the man and clothes make the character. To fully bring the envisioned character to life make up and costume go a long way in achieving that sense of realism.
IMD: Cool and edgy are the words. Need tight edgy t-shirts, stylish, acid washed, torn jeans, guys need edgy beard and possibly frosted tips. Let’s throw some animal prints in the mix. For girls, only mini skirts and straight hair. That research we did on the New Jersey youth fashion ways has been very helpful for us achieving the absolutely coolest look possible.
Now let’s make a hit.
I AM NOT FOOLED.
One thing that really irks me about Indian movies is when the main character or one of the lesser, but almost as important, character suddenly whips out a guitar and starts hammering away at a sweet little ditty.
So what’s wrong with that? Nothing. What bothers me is that the actor, if he (I won’t even mention she… “She” never plays guitar in Bollywood) wants to take his craft seriously, can at least spend a day practicing how to actually LOOK like he is playing a guitar. It’s is nerve grating to see the lead actor pull out a guitar and be completely off with his strumming. Like I am really suppose to believe Mr. Hot pants here is plowing at the guitar, noodleing with the pentatonic scale at 110bpm while his strumming hand barely moves.
Now for those of us who play guitar (if you’re in college and, or, white and male than you most likely play guitar) have learned that learning how to play even the simplest stuff requires patience and tenacity. I, myself, put in minutes a month learning finger bleeding tough nursery rhymes on my guitar. So when we see this flamboyant display of douchebagery in Indian movies it is repugnant, at best, to us actual guitar playing folks.
Recently seen offenses:
Main Meri Patni Aur Woh:
Now I like Kay Kay Menon. He is a very likeable and talented actor who commands presence on screen but his guitar-playing rendition fooled no one when he sings at the ubiquitous Indian movie party function. Make me believe you’re faking it.
RACE:
I like Akshay Khanna, what I don’t like is his dumbass attempts at playing the guitar in on of the many terrifically deplorable songs in this movie. The guitar riff is moving semi-fast yet his thumb barely ventures out of a stationary position. Why not let Saif Ali Khan do it…he actually plays the guitar, and quite good from what I hear.
How to do it right:
Sweet and Lowdown:
While many will agree that Sean Penn is possibly the most humorless man alive, outside of Muslim extremists, no one can disagree that his rendition of a fake jazz talent was almost spot on. Like him or not I actually believed he was a misunderstood albeit puerile, jazz guitar prodigy. His finger movement, his body language was all very believable. Something Indian actors (as far I know and have seen) have never gotten right.
At least in the oldies they had the actor play a piano. An instrument anyone can easily fake on screen.
So what’s wrong with that? Nothing. What bothers me is that the actor, if he (I won’t even mention she… “She” never plays guitar in Bollywood) wants to take his craft seriously, can at least spend a day practicing how to actually LOOK like he is playing a guitar. It’s is nerve grating to see the lead actor pull out a guitar and be completely off with his strumming. Like I am really suppose to believe Mr. Hot pants here is plowing at the guitar, noodleing with the pentatonic scale at 110bpm while his strumming hand barely moves.
Now for those of us who play guitar (if you’re in college and, or, white and male than you most likely play guitar) have learned that learning how to play even the simplest stuff requires patience and tenacity. I, myself, put in minutes a month learning finger bleeding tough nursery rhymes on my guitar. So when we see this flamboyant display of douchebagery in Indian movies it is repugnant, at best, to us actual guitar playing folks.
Recently seen offenses:
Main Meri Patni Aur Woh:
Now I like Kay Kay Menon. He is a very likeable and talented actor who commands presence on screen but his guitar-playing rendition fooled no one when he sings at the ubiquitous Indian movie party function. Make me believe you’re faking it.
RACE:
I like Akshay Khanna, what I don’t like is his dumbass attempts at playing the guitar in on of the many terrifically deplorable songs in this movie. The guitar riff is moving semi-fast yet his thumb barely ventures out of a stationary position. Why not let Saif Ali Khan do it…he actually plays the guitar, and quite good from what I hear.
How to do it right:
Sweet and Lowdown:
While many will agree that Sean Penn is possibly the most humorless man alive, outside of Muslim extremists, no one can disagree that his rendition of a fake jazz talent was almost spot on. Like him or not I actually believed he was a misunderstood albeit puerile, jazz guitar prodigy. His finger movement, his body language was all very believable. Something Indian actors (as far I know and have seen) have never gotten right.
At least in the oldies they had the actor play a piano. An instrument anyone can easily fake on screen.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
DEVDAS.....SUCKED.
Yes, I know everyone and their mother loves the movie Devdas. It's the first movie any non-Indian person spouts out of their mouth and asks my opinion on because they're expecting me to agree with them how orgasmically awesome it is.
Well here is how is how I feel about the movie: It sucked. Happy, there I said it. It is 3+ hrs of mind numbing idiocy and bad acting. Beautiful costumes and set design can not hide the fact that the movie's plot was inane, no matter how classic the Indian literature it's based on.
For those of you who haven't seen Devdas here's the plot synopsis: Rich guy is an asshole, rich guy loses poor girl who is his true love because he is a raging douchebag, rich guy drinks himself to death. THE END.
But i'll give more reasosns as to why this turdfest sucked. Infact i'll even make a list.
(It has been a long time since I saw the movie so if im sketchy on details than oh well, the movie still sucks)
1) Shah Rukh Khan was in it playing his usual asshole self. This was his best role of his career because his character was an asshole so it was easy for Sharoo bhai to channel his inner dickhead into this cockbag of a character.
2) Jackie Shraoff played possibly the most annoying character ever put on film. Now I love Jackie, I think he kicks ass and apparently never ages but I wanted to break a bottle over his character's head because he simply wouldn't shut the fuck up. If I met a guy like that during my downward spiral into drugs and alcohol i'd sober up just so I could escape his annoying ass
3) I know what happens to Sharoo's character is sad (supposedly) and people cried at the last scene...but Idon't get it, am I suppose to feel bad because some ivy league dipshit drank himself
to death instead of just moving the fuck on? "what, some rich guy didn't get what he wanted...gosh, how very tragic, darn shame"
I felt no pity for Devdas, only disdian for a being petulent dipstick, and a boring one at that.
4) Everybody loves this fucking movie. It's like a hive mentality when it comes to this film.
There are no nay sayers to denounce this idiot fest and it only frustrates me because the movie itself has no great redeeming aspects beyond it's technical scope. The idea is that; throw enough money into a film and people will forget what a shitty film it really is underneath the gloss.
Om Shanti Om suffers from this same dilemma and Kal ho na Ho.
5) It's way too long, seriously. It may sound like im just bitching now to finish the list but it is way to long of a time frame to tell the story of some weak willed pussy throwing his life away. If I wanted to watch that I'd just hang out in the NYC subways and watch the crackheads...it's free, I decide how long it lasts and it's in clear HD.
The movie does have gorgeous sets, Mrs. Bachan looks drop dead gorgeous as usual and the songs are good and elaborate but that's about it.
Beyond that DEVDAS SUCKED.
Well here is how is how I feel about the movie: It sucked. Happy, there I said it. It is 3+ hrs of mind numbing idiocy and bad acting. Beautiful costumes and set design can not hide the fact that the movie's plot was inane, no matter how classic the Indian literature it's based on.
For those of you who haven't seen Devdas here's the plot synopsis: Rich guy is an asshole, rich guy loses poor girl who is his true love because he is a raging douchebag, rich guy drinks himself to death. THE END.
But i'll give more reasosns as to why this turdfest sucked. Infact i'll even make a list.
(It has been a long time since I saw the movie so if im sketchy on details than oh well, the movie still sucks)
1) Shah Rukh Khan was in it playing his usual asshole self. This was his best role of his career because his character was an asshole so it was easy for Sharoo bhai to channel his inner dickhead into this cockbag of a character.
2) Jackie Shraoff played possibly the most annoying character ever put on film. Now I love Jackie, I think he kicks ass and apparently never ages but I wanted to break a bottle over his character's head because he simply wouldn't shut the fuck up. If I met a guy like that during my downward spiral into drugs and alcohol i'd sober up just so I could escape his annoying ass
3) I know what happens to Sharoo's character is sad (supposedly) and people cried at the last scene...but Idon't get it, am I suppose to feel bad because some ivy league dipshit drank himself
to death instead of just moving the fuck on? "what, some rich guy didn't get what he wanted...gosh, how very tragic, darn shame"
I felt no pity for Devdas, only disdian for a being petulent dipstick, and a boring one at that.
4) Everybody loves this fucking movie. It's like a hive mentality when it comes to this film.
There are no nay sayers to denounce this idiot fest and it only frustrates me because the movie itself has no great redeeming aspects beyond it's technical scope. The idea is that; throw enough money into a film and people will forget what a shitty film it really is underneath the gloss.
Om Shanti Om suffers from this same dilemma and Kal ho na Ho.
5) It's way too long, seriously. It may sound like im just bitching now to finish the list but it is way to long of a time frame to tell the story of some weak willed pussy throwing his life away. If I wanted to watch that I'd just hang out in the NYC subways and watch the crackheads...it's free, I decide how long it lasts and it's in clear HD.
The movie does have gorgeous sets, Mrs. Bachan looks drop dead gorgeous as usual and the songs are good and elaborate but that's about it.
Beyond that DEVDAS SUCKED.
NANA PATEKAR IS BETTER THAN YOU
Nana Patekar is better than you...and if you're a smart human being than you know this fact already. Seriously though, is there a better Indian actor out there! He is seriously underrated and he is not a very prominent actor, but he beats em all. Actually, I like it that way. Anybody who watches his movies can instantly recognize that fact that he steals every secene he is in against anybody.
He is the kinda guy I wanna hang out with but i'd be too intimidated because that look, that look of his is downright scary. He makes no scary scowls or grmiaces...just that highly individualistic stoic expression. If you ever see him play a bad guy you can see how he goes from laughing to dead-ass scary serious in blink of an eye and you can feel it.
Shah Rukh Khan only wishes he could command such power and respect on screen.
Also what I love about him is that he never really plays a good guy or a bad guy, always that guy caught hovering in between the pitfalls of sin and the sanctity of righteousness. A realistic man, more like us....except he looks thousand fold cooler doing it because he is cooler than you and me. I also like the fact he doesn't do dozens of movies a year. Very select few so each one is at treasure to watch, simply because he is in it, even if the movie blows.
So in conclusion: Nana Patekar is better than you so you must recognize that fact...
....and that Shah Rukh Khan sucks.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
I DON'T LIKE SHAH RUKH KHAN
I just don't. You know how you know someone who gives off that asshole vibe? That person, who by no fault of their own, just rubs you the wrong way? That's my problem with Shah Rukh Khan...but i'll delve deeper into my condescension for Sharoo.
Infact I'll even make a list for easier reading.
The Reasons I Don't Like Shah Rukh Khan.
1) That laugh...I can't stand his laugh. He has the most fake, contrived laugh. Kinda like the "i'm laughing because i'm better than you but I faintly pretend to be modest". He doesn't laugh with his whole body or with his heart. Seems like he laughs through his softball size adam's apple throat and pointy nose.
2) That Adam's apple...Jeebus almighty. Looks like he collects water there for continued assholery on the go.
3) He has been in every, fucking, lame ass movie which just happens to be massively popular and massively horrible. Let's name some attrocities he has put upon the world;
Kabhi Kushi Kabhi gum: two words: OH GOD
Dilwale Dhulaniya..you know the rest: five words: GOD WERE YOU WATCHING THIS?
Kal ho na ho: This movie accomplished the hard task of adding even further disdian of Bollywood in me.
Don: I don't know if he was suppose to be a criminal mastermind or an average bitchy, gay, fashionista.
4) His fans, especially ages 10-17 and of female gender. Only thing worse than him are his die hard followers who refuse to even question the plot of his crapshoot movies. A typical conversation with a 15yr old Sharoo fan goes something like this:
"That movie was horrible...no one dying of cancer looks like that at terminal stages"
"but LOL....Sharooo is soooooo haw33ttt lolzzz"
5) OVERACTING. No one, I mean no one, overacts more than him. Indian comedies are generally depressing to a point of 0 consideration, so overacting is overlooked. But, in serious roles he overdoes every scene...even scenes requiring restraint and poise....nope, not Sharoo.
He'll even find a way to add some non-sensical theatric to scenes that require silence. Be it through his oh so talented facial gestures which look like he is having some sort of an asshole stroke, or those waterfall like tears he whips out at will. Wow, you're a regular Indian Morgan Freeman.
6) He still plays roles of 20 year olds. COME ON. I suppose he is not the only one to blame. Indian actors have a tendency of being 40+ and playing 19 year olds. Yeah, I am really convinced that Anil Kapoor (in his heyday) was 25 with those bags under his eyes. But, Sharoo should know better. What age did he play in Om Shanti Om? like a 21 year old? Seriously?
Sharoo hasn't looked 19 years old since he was 15 so it doesn't look any more beliveable now.
7) The lame attempts at English slang. Again, not entirely him to blame, but for the sake of this list...yes, yes he is. He attempted so many dickweed english cool words in Om Shanti Om that I was embarrased to have invited non-Indian friends to watch their very first Indian movie.
What a great way to represent our rich culture...5,000+ yrs civilization represented by an actor with English vocabulary of less than 50 words. Thanks, Shah Rukh, thanks.
8) DEVDAS: I didn't list this movie in the previous list because this piece of tripe deserves it's own number (it'll get it's very own blog post in the future because I REALLY don't like this movie).
This movie sucked on almost every level of entertainment.
9) His ego...we all know he has one. He is the most powerful actor in India and possibly one of the most powerful figures in all of Bollywood, but the problem is; he knows it. He shows it and he doesn't care. Even in his movies he gets that shit eating grin because he knows no matter what happens he'll sleep a richer man every coming day.
Props to him for carving his place in a carnivorous industry and rising but does he have to be such a dick about it. In his press junkets he always has this constipated scowl on his face. You're not going to a fucking war, you're promoting a movie which people will forget about in 3 weeks so lighten the fuck up. His arrogance keeps him form being personable...unless you're 15, than he is a droolworthy cutiepie. Yuck.
10) His body. Yes, we all saw his physique in Om Shanti Om and I don't like it. It's not fair that I look like a hand beaten pile of dough while he, at his age, has a body of a ripe 20 year old. Not only is he rich but he also has a figure of a stone carved Greek statue. Fuck that, beer bellies are sexy.
No woman wants a stauesque man like him. Im realistic and affordable. Shah Rukh wouldn't even look twice at most women...possibly men (haha, cheap shot)
So that's my list...so far. A few main reasons I don't like Sharoo bhai.
Infact I'll even make a list for easier reading.
The Reasons I Don't Like Shah Rukh Khan.
1) That laugh...I can't stand his laugh. He has the most fake, contrived laugh. Kinda like the "i'm laughing because i'm better than you but I faintly pretend to be modest". He doesn't laugh with his whole body or with his heart. Seems like he laughs through his softball size adam's apple throat and pointy nose.
2) That Adam's apple...Jeebus almighty. Looks like he collects water there for continued assholery on the go.
3) He has been in every, fucking, lame ass movie which just happens to be massively popular and massively horrible. Let's name some attrocities he has put upon the world;
Kabhi Kushi Kabhi gum: two words: OH GOD
Dilwale Dhulaniya..you know the rest: five words: GOD WERE YOU WATCHING THIS?
Kal ho na ho: This movie accomplished the hard task of adding even further disdian of Bollywood in me.
Don: I don't know if he was suppose to be a criminal mastermind or an average bitchy, gay, fashionista.
4) His fans, especially ages 10-17 and of female gender. Only thing worse than him are his die hard followers who refuse to even question the plot of his crapshoot movies. A typical conversation with a 15yr old Sharoo fan goes something like this:
"That movie was horrible...no one dying of cancer looks like that at terminal stages"
"but LOL....Sharooo is soooooo haw33ttt lolzzz"
5) OVERACTING. No one, I mean no one, overacts more than him. Indian comedies are generally depressing to a point of 0 consideration, so overacting is overlooked. But, in serious roles he overdoes every scene...even scenes requiring restraint and poise....nope, not Sharoo.
He'll even find a way to add some non-sensical theatric to scenes that require silence. Be it through his oh so talented facial gestures which look like he is having some sort of an asshole stroke, or those waterfall like tears he whips out at will. Wow, you're a regular Indian Morgan Freeman.
6) He still plays roles of 20 year olds. COME ON. I suppose he is not the only one to blame. Indian actors have a tendency of being 40+ and playing 19 year olds. Yeah, I am really convinced that Anil Kapoor (in his heyday) was 25 with those bags under his eyes. But, Sharoo should know better. What age did he play in Om Shanti Om? like a 21 year old? Seriously?
Sharoo hasn't looked 19 years old since he was 15 so it doesn't look any more beliveable now.
7) The lame attempts at English slang. Again, not entirely him to blame, but for the sake of this list...yes, yes he is. He attempted so many dickweed english cool words in Om Shanti Om that I was embarrased to have invited non-Indian friends to watch their very first Indian movie.
What a great way to represent our rich culture...5,000+ yrs civilization represented by an actor with English vocabulary of less than 50 words. Thanks, Shah Rukh, thanks.
8) DEVDAS: I didn't list this movie in the previous list because this piece of tripe deserves it's own number (it'll get it's very own blog post in the future because I REALLY don't like this movie).
This movie sucked on almost every level of entertainment.
9) His ego...we all know he has one. He is the most powerful actor in India and possibly one of the most powerful figures in all of Bollywood, but the problem is; he knows it. He shows it and he doesn't care. Even in his movies he gets that shit eating grin because he knows no matter what happens he'll sleep a richer man every coming day.
Props to him for carving his place in a carnivorous industry and rising but does he have to be such a dick about it. In his press junkets he always has this constipated scowl on his face. You're not going to a fucking war, you're promoting a movie which people will forget about in 3 weeks so lighten the fuck up. His arrogance keeps him form being personable...unless you're 15, than he is a droolworthy cutiepie. Yuck.
10) His body. Yes, we all saw his physique in Om Shanti Om and I don't like it. It's not fair that I look like a hand beaten pile of dough while he, at his age, has a body of a ripe 20 year old. Not only is he rich but he also has a figure of a stone carved Greek statue. Fuck that, beer bellies are sexy.
No woman wants a stauesque man like him. Im realistic and affordable. Shah Rukh wouldn't even look twice at most women...possibly men (haha, cheap shot)
So that's my list...so far. A few main reasons I don't like Sharoo bhai.
Friday, March 7, 2008
INDIANS HAVE SEX. PERIOD.
Indians have sex. Period. It's a not a shocking thing, especially considering we pop out more little ones than we know what to do with...so why do we hide from sex? In movies of all places.
Bollywood is like that girl that teases you and teases you and teases you even further until you're so excited that you stand up in heat, pull out your penis, in all it's glory, and, are, awaiting heavenly pleasures...only to be met with utter disgust by the girl, as if you've officially outdone every known, grand, pervert in this one attempt.
such choice analogy aside it's true. Try watching Indian movies or music videos with your parents these days without turning red from shame or embarrassment. It's shocking how much suggested sexual innuendo is prevalent in Bollywood productions, but what is one thing that is missing???
The fruit of this sexual innuendo...the actual sex of course. Harking back to my analogy, why is there so much conservatism in Indian movies when it comes to presenting sex on celluloid? The tired old images of two pairs of feet rustling under bed sheets is lame and sad. You're telling me you can show me a chick walking around 90% naked but not suggest she is actually having sex too. Ridiculous.
Forget even showing images of actual sex or frontal nudity for now. Most Indian filmmakers can't even get English slang in their movies right, I don't expect them to have the understanding or maturity to actually incorporate images of nudity (female or male...female preferred) as an important vehicle in a particular scene or movie, but, what's wrong with kissing?
Slowly (and I mean slowly) few movies have actual on screen, real kisses..and those look as real as my attempts to Photoshop my face on Brad Pitt's torso. Indians kiss (or I am guessing they do), well at least the new generation does, so why is it so few and far between in Bollywood. Most Bollywood movies today try their hardest to come off like the retarded cousin of Hollywood, never learns its lesson.
Do the actors hate each other? Is it religious dogma keeping kissing and nudity at bay? Not like there are no Indian movies with no nudity in it, so how did these filmmakers of such movies get away with it?
Why the hell do these kisses end with the camera moving away? or lights fading? Or when none of that happens why do the directors show some utterly horrible kisses? Kissing is a soft, sensual art...not a rampant face eating or "I am kissing my mother" style play.
I am no porn fetish sicko but come on. Films can be classy and show the vulnerable side of humanity that is sex...hell, look at French Films. It's not considered an authentic French film if there isn't at least 3 exposed penises and couple of pair of breasts and vaginas on display. So why are we so on the fence about this? We'll probably see an actual, honest to god real, pair of boobs in a mainstream Bollywood movie when I am ready to use a Colostomy bag. I know it's more of a social movement than an industry one. After all, even Bollywood has to stay within the social confounds of it's given society but still....COME ON!!!.
Why are VCDs still popular in India?
Why are they? Don't give me any excuses about poverty and easier and cheaper medium to distribute. Bollywood already tries desperately to emulate Hollywood in every way imaginable, so then why not emulate Hollywood's love of decent picture quality. Bollywood should be pushing for higher standards on video qualty...because let's face, they're not shooting for higher standards in film making.
If you're going to make crock pot movies you can atleast ease the pain by not putting them on such a crock pot medium.
VCDs are good for quick home movies to watch on DVD players (if you're one of the 3 people alive, one of them being me, who doesn't own a DVD burner) but it's a terrible choice for watching a whole movie.
Unless someone has a better explanation (im guessing rampant piracy is helping the VCD situation) for why this atrocity to the eyes of Indian people all over...um..India occurs I will say...
...VCDs suck.
If you're going to make crock pot movies you can atleast ease the pain by not putting them on such a crock pot medium.
VCDs are good for quick home movies to watch on DVD players (if you're one of the 3 people alive, one of them being me, who doesn't own a DVD burner) but it's a terrible choice for watching a whole movie.
Unless someone has a better explanation (im guessing rampant piracy is helping the VCD situation) for why this atrocity to the eyes of Indian people all over...um..India occurs I will say...
...VCDs suck.
Friday, February 29, 2008
So what is this about?
Hello and welcome!
This is a blog of mine to muse about my opinions of Bollywood. In the coming days (or months, im lazy) I will post reviews of Indian movies, essays on Indian movies and my opinions on social matters involving Bollywood. I may rag on an actor or two.
I can promise (or not, im lazy) these following things:
1) Bad grammer
2) Opinions that will annoy you
3) Much ragging on Shah Rukh Khan (I can't stand him)
4) Average Joe opinions on movies. I am no trained movie critic or a journalism major by any means. Expect possibly inane and douchebagian view points.
Got it? Good.
Enjoy (hopefully)
This is a blog of mine to muse about my opinions of Bollywood. In the coming days (or months, im lazy) I will post reviews of Indian movies, essays on Indian movies and my opinions on social matters involving Bollywood. I may rag on an actor or two.
I can promise (or not, im lazy) these following things:
1) Bad grammer
2) Opinions that will annoy you
3) Much ragging on Shah Rukh Khan (I can't stand him)
4) Average Joe opinions on movies. I am no trained movie critic or a journalism major by any means. Expect possibly inane and douchebagian view points.
Got it? Good.
Enjoy (hopefully)
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