HOW A MAINSTREAM INDIAN MOVIE MAKER THINKS

This is a special look at cognitive processes of mainstream Bollywood filmmakers. The neuronal activity that lurks inside their brown domes, relating to making financial juggernauts at the box office. I will try to (unscientifically of course) delve into the mind of typical masala movie maverick. Come with me as I explore this wonderful, weird, bizarre world of Indian movie making.

I present to you

HOW A MAINSTREAM INDIAN MOVIE MAKER THINKS:

The following will be presented in categories. The Indian moviemaker will be referred as IMD (Indian movie director)

Story: The vision, the creativity, the engrossing ideas that are the foundation of a good movie.

IMD: Need to rent Hollywood movies, get together with my writers and see which knockoff can work with explosions and songs. 1 item number is a must.

Plot: The heart of movie. The meat and potatoes.

IMD: Love…that is the timeless trade of Bollywood. A love story about destined lovers against all odds is the key to standing out. Explosions and item numbers can easily be placed within any love story…because let’s face it; what is love other than explosions and jovial songs...nothing I tell you, nothing.

Acting: The quintessential variable to make the plot work. To make the story shine.

IMD: For every three extra explosions per 10 minutes I can reduce acting caliber of my stars by 50%. 70% if I throw in a song every 7 minutes.

Music: The timeless tool to accentuate and heighten sense of raw human emotion. To paint the serene moods of calm or the violent throngs of destruction through sound. Always the faithful servant.

IMD: The soundtrack is the movie. I am really filming a 3-hour music video. Need to inject more cool English slang to the lyrics of this mutha. “Rocking”, “mind blowing” “baby”, “wiggity wiggity wow” are all lighting up the streets in America today so let’s throw that in there too.

Special effects: The vehicle to bring the most creative visions of film luminaries to life. The soaring beauty of wirework in crouching tiger hidden dragon. The explosive representation of torrent of bullets in The Matrix trilogy…all examples of special effects defining the movies of their respective genres.

IMD: Need explosions, lots of them. Explosions bring in people and ohhhh wirework, that’s neat. I can use wirework to kick bad guys further, make them fall 30-40 feet after a flick of the hero’s finger. When my hero jumps off a building he’ll glide to a nearby building and none of it has to make sense what so ever. No one really cares about physics and such…it’s a movie with 16 songs, 4 of which are item numbers.

Cinematography: Moving poetry. Catching the colors of life so delicately, sometimes so powerful it is, in essence, part of the story itself.

IMD: We’re shooting every song in Switzerland; we get discounts from the government. The rest we’ll shoot in Canada because Canada is just like America but the diet version.

Editing: Just like a great storyteller paces his/her words, editing, through careful discipline, sets a defining path for the story to progress.

IMD: My editor and me have been watching MTV for months now. Everything will be fast, then suddenly super slow, then fast, then super slow, then fast. I’ll shake the camera and add motion blur along with kickass color filters for that cool, edgy feel….for the whole movie.

Action: Just like a good plot is written with care thought, so is a good action sequence written with precision and excitement in mind.

IMD: Explosions? Check. Cars flying off 40-50 feet into the air at the slightest touch? Check. Two guys pointing guns at each other’s face ala “face off” style? Check. Slow-mo cool entrance scenes after impossibly daring and impossibly impossible stunt? Check and checkitty check check.

Make up and Costume: Clothes make the man and clothes make the character. To fully bring the envisioned character to life make up and costume go a long way in achieving that sense of realism.

IMD: Cool and edgy are the words. Need tight edgy t-shirts, stylish, acid washed, torn jeans, guys need edgy beard and possibly frosted tips. Let’s throw some animal prints in the mix. For girls, only mini skirts and straight hair. That research we did on the New Jersey youth fashion ways has been very helpful for us achieving the absolutely coolest look possible.



Now let’s make a hit.